Carnal Desires
by Akitir-chan09
Summary: Misaki faces a traumatic experience as a child and now his past catches up with him. It's in Misaki's hands to push forward and move on from his horrid past or stay where he is.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 _Terror_

 _Darkness_

 _Pain_

 _Blood._

Misaki woke up panting, with an elevated heartrate, taking huge gulps of air as if something prevented him from breathing.

Something indeed had. A cold, dark memory from when he was child, a mere age of 9, where he first experienced the truth and reality behind this world. He was sweating profusely, confused, felt as if he was stuck in that horrible cage of suffering from which there was no escape.

He relaxed as soon as he felt the warmth of his beloved, his boyfriend, Usami Akihiko. There he lay beside Misaki, sleeping blissfully, unaware of what Misaki felt. Gazing upon his _oh-so-beautiful_ face, Misaki felt his heart rate return to normal. He lied back down and moved closer to Akihiko who felt his presence and put an arm around him making Misaki feel safe and protected and away from harm.

It had been a few months since Misaki and Akihiko started dating. They did everything together- ate together, slept together and made out with each other. Akihiko's profession allowed him to stay at home, something for which Misaki was incredibly grateful for.

" _Usagi-san, dinner!"_

" _Yeah I'm coming down!", yelled Akihiko._

They were seated on the dining table eating in pleasant silence making no efforts in engaging in small talk. Soon after they were watching TV, Misaki all snuggled up in Akihiko's lap with Akihiko's strong arms around Misaki, eating strawberry ice-cream. Akihiko slowly turned Misaki's face towards his and pulled him a little higher. Eyes, similar to that of purple amethyst, were locked into eyes that rivalled the green of an emerald. Akihiko placed his lips onto Misaki's soft lips and gently nibbled on them. As if asking for permission, Akihiko probed his hot, slippery tongue into the young brunette's mouth and the younger man allowing him to do so. Akihiko's tongue explored every nook and cranny of the boy's mouth eliciting the sweetest of moans from him and his hands started wandering below his neck. His hand stopped at Misaki's lower back, slowly pushing into his pants.

Misaki's eyes opened suddenly, feeling slight discomfort but promised himself it was nothing and tried letting Akihiko what he will with his body. He scrunched up his eyes real tight but gave up in the end.

" _NO!" The green eyed brunette screamed, pushing Akihiko away from him and stood up making his way to the kitchen._

" _Misaki? What happened? Did I do something to displease you?" Akihiko asked genuinely worried at Misaki's sudden outburst of anger. This had happened a couple of times now. Every time he asked, Misaki would brush it off saying its nothing._

" _Not-"_

" _Don't tell me its nothing! You've been acting this way ever since we started dating. What's the matter? Why won't you let me help you? Why wont you let me into your heart, share your problems with me? Am I that untrustworthy?!" Akihiko screamed._

" _No, its not that Usagi-san. I… I just-"Misaki trailed off._

" _You just what?"_

 _Misaki looked up surprised, gave Akihiko an apologetic look and ran upstairs to his bedroom and flopped himself onto the bed._

Akihiko sat back down on the sofa and sighed heavily. He thought that maybe Misaki was scared. Scared of being in a gay relationship, being in a relationship with his brother's best friend but above all, scared of accepting his sexuality.

" _He probably needs more time."_ Reasoned Akihiko. He got up, switched of the TV and went back to his room feeling a little guilty of screaming at Misaki but told himself not to apologize, at least not until morning.

 _Akihiko heard a loud scream come from Misaki's bedroom, loud enough to awaken the tired author._

He ran towards Misaki's room and saw the boy crying, throwing his arms and legs all around the place and realized at once that the boy was having a nightmare. He inched closer to Misaki and heard him mutter something in his sleep.

" _Please don't…. I'm sorry."_

Akihiko took the trembling boy and held him in his arms comforting him, providing him warmth.

" _Shh…It's okay Misaki, I'm here. There's nothing that can hurt you. Shh…"_

The boy slowly calmed down and relaxed, his body going limp in Akihiko's hand. He took a deep breath and lied down with Misaki in his bed holding him close to his chest and slowly fell asleep.

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It had been a few days since the incident had occurred. Akihiko made no attempts in asking Misaki the reason for his outburst or the dream he had that night. He wanted Misaki to grow comfortable around him, he wanted Misaki to confront him with his problems on his own.

Misaki had been thinking. He couldn't keep his secret from Usagi-san forever. He didn't know how Usagi san would react. He had no idea if Usagi san would still love him. He didn't know if Usagi san would want an impure Misaki, someone who had been tainted. He made up his mind. He would absolutely tell him.

* * *

 _Misaki, 9 years old_

 _Misaki was waiting for his Nii-chan, who spent day and night working his ass off just to support Misaki. It had been one year since he lost his parents but he didn't couldn't feel down, not when his brother was working so hard. Misaki was way mature than required for his age, he didn't want to feel like burden, he wanted to help his brother in any way and if that meant being mature, he would gladly be that._

 _Misaki had finished his homework and few a chores around the house. He wanted Takahiro to praise him, compliment him on how independent he was._

" _Tadaima!," Takahiro yelled,"Doku ni iru no Misaki?"_

 _Takahiro's greeting was returned by an excited and gleeful Misaki._

" _Okaeri Nii-chan!"_

" _Misaki, I want you to meet my senpai at work. His name is Arata Fumihiro."_

" _I'm Misaki. Pleased to meet you."_

" _Oh~ What a polite child he is!", Fumihiro exclaimed._

 _Misaki turned red, happy that he made a good impression on his brother's important colleague._

 _Arata Fumihiro was 2 years older to Takahiro, an elder brotherly figure. Someone Takahiro could lean on if he needed help._

 _Arata soon became someone who always came over to help Takahiro take care of Misaki and soon Misaki also looked upto him as a reliable older brother. He was to fun to hang around with and also helped Misaki with his homework, things that were a tad too difficult for him._

" _Arata-nii! Look! I got 95 points on the math test you helped me prepare for!" Misaki said happily. He was truly grateful for Arata-nii, his method of teaching was easy and he wasn't hard on Misaki if there was something he couldn't understand._

" _Subarashii Misaki! You've done me proud." Arata exclaimed._

* * *

" _Senpai! If it's not a problem, can you please go check up on Misaki for me? I'll be running late today.", Takahiro said running up to Arata._

" _Sure it's no problem", said Arata, smiling warmly._

 _He had to do it today, while Takahiro wasn't around. He couldn't let this opportunity slip by, after all he'd been waiting._

" _Misaki? Where are you?"_

" _Arata-nii? Why are you here? Where's Nii-chan?", Misaki asked, genuinely concerned about his brother's whereabouts._

" _He'll be running late today, so why don't you show me to your room? We can play~"_

" _Seriously?! You'll play with me? Nii-chan is always too tired to play with me. My room's right this way!"_

" _Oh, sugoi ne~ What a wonderful room!"_

 _Arata couldn't keep himself still. Blood was coursing throughout his body with renewed vigour, his heart was pumping blood faster than ever._

 _He switched off the lights._

" _Eh? Arata-nii, why'd you switch off the lights?"_

 _Misaki felt himself being lifted up and being thrown back onto the bed. He felt his shirt being ripped and pants removed._

" _Arata-nii! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"_

" _JUST SHUT UP AND STAY QUIET. IF YOU DO, THIS'LL GET OVER FASTER AND IT WON'T HURT."_

 _He moved his hands all over Misaki's small figure. Arata felt Misaki shiver, probably because his hands were cold, but that just made Arata way more restless. Arata bent down to suck on Misaki's soft, pink nipples as if it was the sweetest thing on Earth._

" _STOP! LET ME GOOO!", Misaki yelled while thrashing his arms and legs about hoping to push Arata off of him and run away._

 _But his efforts were in vain. Arata soon held both his wrists and locked them, making it hard for Misaki to get free. Misaki soon heard the unbuckling of a belt and rustling of clothes. He felt something cold and sticky spread itself across his butt. He yelped when he felt a finger enter him. He was scared. So scared that he couldn't scream, so scared that his voice got caught at the back of his throat and refused to come out._

 _Arata left marks all over Misaki's body, his pale body bruising instantly._

" _Aahh, what a wonderful body. Misaki you're truly something else.", Arata hoarsely said._

 _Soon after, whilst Misaki was still trying to catch his breath, Arata entered him. Misaki screamed, he didn't know what this foreign object in his body was. He was confused, he didn't know what was happening anymore. All he could feel was pain and all he wanted was his brother to hold him in his arms._

 _Arata went in and out of Misaki's small frame and couldn't stop. It was pleasure he never experienced before. He greedily kissed Misaki on his lips and moved down. He pulled Misaki up in such a way that he was in his lap and thrust harder into his body. Misaki screamed, excruciating pain coursing throughout his body. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what was happening, he didn't know who this man was. The Arata-nii he knew was a kind man who always helped Misaki when his brother couldn't._

" _Ugh… you're so tight Misaki!", Arata said with a voice that seemed to be drowning in pleasure._

 _Blood slowly trickled down Misaki's thighs and onto the bed, but that didn't stop Arata. He just kept going harder and harder, thrusting continuously without checking up on Misaki. He finally climaxed, but he wasn't done yet. Just when Misaki thought the worst was over, he was flipped, his head smashing down the bed with tremendous force. Arata wrapped his hand around Misaki's neck threatening to kill him if he made a sound._

 _Misaki didn't know how long he'd been tortured. His tears wouldn't come out simply because there was nothing left in his body to produce tears. He was dehydrated and tired. He didn't know what he had done to deserve such treatment from Arata-nii._

* * *

 _An hour later_

" _Tadaima Misaki!", Takahiro shouted. He had bought Misaki's favourite dessert to make up for coming home late that day._

 _No answer…_

" _MISAKI? MISAKI WHERE ARE YOU?! DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME YOUNG MAN, TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE!", Takahiro yelled frantically searching for Misaki. Misaki wasn't in the living room or in the bathroom._

 _He made his way to Misaki's bedroom and switched on the lights._

 _He felt his heart stop. He felt his blood leave his face and palms. He couldn't move. He saw his young brother, sprawled on the bed, completely naked, bleeding from multiple places._

" _MISAKI!"_

 _TBC._


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, um so i think I forgot to mention this in the previous chapter so here it is,**

 **The translation for _doku ni iru no_ is where are you? **

**I'd appreciate it if you guys can review my story since it's my first time writing a fanfic. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 3

 _Takahiro quickly rushed forward to where Misaki was and gently picked him up, his hands supporting Misaki's frail neck. He ran out of the house frantically searching for anything or anyone who could help Misaki. He ran down to the main road and hailed a cab and took Misaki to the nearest hospital. As soon as he reached the emergency ward, Misaki was taken away from his arms by doctors and nurses and hurried into an operation theatre. Takahiro was worried. He didn't want to lose the only family he had, the only one he worked so hard for._

 _He was outside, sitting. He didn't need to ask Misaki to know who did this him. He knew, he knew very well and he wasn't going to let it go._

" _Arata.. you fucking bastard, I'll send you to hell. Keep running because I'm hunting you down."_

 _A few hours later._

" _He's out of danger for now. But he sustained some major injuries so we'll keep him here for a few days and monitor his condition.", Mr. Odagawa told Takahiro. He was the doctor who performed the surgery on Misaki._

" _Thank you very much Odagawa sensei for helping my Misaki", Takahiro said, grateful to Mr. Odagawa._

 _Takahiro had gone to the police right after he got to know Misaki was out of danger. He had medical reports that proved that Arata Fumihiro had raped Misaki. It took the police almost a week before they found out that Arata had run away to Kyoto, apparently his hometown._

 _The police brought Arata back and called for Takahiro to make sure that this was the man._

 _It took a couple of hours for Takahiro to come down to the police station. Once he reached, he was raging when he saw him._

" _You fucking cunt…"_

 _WHAM!_

" _WHAT DID MISAKI EVER DO TO YOU?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO HIM?! I TRUSTED YOU, I TREATED YOU LIKE FAMILY!", Takahiro screamed unable to rein in his anger._

 _He landed another punch before the police had to hold him back._

" _You're going to hell."_

* * *

Misaki mustered up the courage and approached Akihiko.

"Usagi-san… I have something to tell you.", Misaki whispered.

Akihiko who was reading the newspaper, looked up, and locked eyes with Misaki, curious as to what his shy little lover had to say to him.

"Yeah? Go ahead, I'm listening.", Akihiko said while smiling gently.

"Um… I.. Something happened to me when I was a child and it's left me with a trauma… that incident is also the reason why I keep pushing you off…"

Akihiko felt as if something was wrong and that Misaki was scared. He didn't like seeing Misaki so vulnerable and afraid.

"Misaki.. tell me. Whatever it is, we'll overcome it together."

"I.. I was raped. I was raped when I was 9 years old.", Misaki started sobbing. He was so very scared.

Akihiko couldn't believe his ears. He was shocked. He didn't know this was why Misaki was so reluctant to have sex with him. He pulled him close and embraced him, offering Misaki warmth and comfort.

"I'm sorry Usagi-san. I'm sorry.", Misaki cried into Akihiko's shirt.

"Shh, baby.. don't apologize"

* * *

Misaki was sleeping. Akihiko, sitting beside Misaki, gazed at his adorable sleeping face.

Akihiko couldn't help but think what kind of a monster could commit such an ugly act against an angel. But then it was probably because he was so pure, that his rapist wanted to soil his body. Akihiko felt a twinge of pain. He didn't want to see Misaki's face for a while. He thought that Misaki was the embodiment of purity, heaven's representative on earth, a man who could rival the strength of a Saint. The fact that he had been tainted, had been dirtied was a thought that did not sit well with Akihiko. He knew that he should help Misaki get over it, help Misaki get rid of his trauma and live a happy life with him, but he just couldn't. Negative feelings and dark thoughts clouded Akihiko's better judgement.

The following days after Misaki's confession, Akihiko found himself not wanting do anything with Misaki. He started distancing himself, trying to collect his thoughts together. He didn't pick or drop Misaki off at college anymore nor did he go grocery shopping with him, he simply stayed at home, working on his job assignments, hoping that they would serve as a distraction.

Misaki felt it. Misaki knew his Usagi-san was avoiding him. He knew, but he couldn't do anything about it. He had a fairly well idea as to why he was being avoided. After all, anyone would have done the same. Nobody would want a dirty, impure person as their lover. He was hurting inside. He believed that Usagi-san would look beyond his past and look at him for who he was and not what he had been or what had happened to him. But he was wrong.

Dinner tasted bland nowadays. Akihiko and Misaki sat together on the dinner table but exchanged no words. Misaki could never find the right words or the right time to initiate a conversation with Akihiko. Why was Usagi-san ignoring him? Why was Usagi-san so cold to him? Why wasn't Usagi-san holding him in his strong arms like he used to? Why didn't Usagi-san give him tender kisses? Countless questions flooded his mind but they were most likely to remain unanswered. He didn't know whom to talk to or how to release his anger so he resorted to drinking. Every night he'd make sure Akihiko was in his room before he'd make his way down to the kitchen and get himself a bottle of sake. He'd sit in his room, drinking and crying himself into oblivion only to wake up next day feeling much worse than the day before.

Misaki didn't let all this hamper his daily activities. He went to college and his part time job as usual since talking to other people made him feel at ease. Since Akihiko never picked him up or dropped him off anymore, he started using the subway. Every morning, during rush hour, he'd feel someone touching him. He was being molested, but he never raised his voice or told Akihiko or his Nii-chan about it. He was drowning in sorrow and after some point, he just stopped caring. He thought, if he was _dirty_ anyway what does it matter if someone violated him again? He already lost Akihiko's trust and love. But that was the least of it. Recently, he'd feel an unwanted presence around him. He knew he was being watched, observed and stalked. He didn't know what he had done to deserve all of this. Sometimes he believed everything would be better if he had just died. Usagi-san could find somebody else to love, somebody who deserved him, and Takahiro could stop worrying over Misaki and just spend time with his family and protect them.

* * *

 _I can't help it. I don't want to do this to him but I can't see him the same way as I did before. I love him, I still do and what I'm doing is wrong but.. I can't accept it. Some else touched my Misaki before I could. Misaki… isn't mine._

It's been more than a month since Misaki told me he'd been raped as a child. I could see changes in him. He had grown thinner, had dark circles under his eyes and was listless. I could hear his sobs from my room, I could hear the bottles of alcohol fall down from his hand as he finished them. Surprisingly, I didn't feel anything.

My heart had grown cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I'm sorry it took me quite a while to upload this chapter but school work is important too! Haha so I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and if you like it please drop in a review and favorite my story too!**

 **It'll motivate me to continue writing it too!**

* * *

Chapter 4

 _I feel weird. Don't know why, but I just do. I hope Misaki is alright, it's been a few days since I called him. I think I'll call him tomorrow. I hope both of them are doing fine. Finding out that my little brother and Usagi were in a relationship was quite a shock, given what happened to Misaki when he was a child. But it doesn't matter, Misaki finally found someone he can love and that's all I care about, his happiness, and if Usagi can give him that then I have no qualms._ Takahiro thought to himself while walking back home with cake for his son, Mahiro. He was the cutest thing ever and he reminded him of Misaki when he was a child. So innocent, hardworking and naughty at times. He was a bundle of happiness.

* * *

 _19:45, 28th September_

 _Aah what should I make for dinner today? I'll think I'll make something Usagi-san likes. Yeah, it'll help me begin a conversation with him too, its been a long time since we talked. I wanna clear up everything between us so that we can be happy together. We'll sort things out and talk it over, if he doesn't want me then… I'll leave, but if he chooses to stay with me then I'll do everything in my power to make him happier._ Misaki thought about all of this while walking back home from his part-time job at Marukawa. He was late today and it was dark. He was all alone on a relatively unused street.

His phone suddenly buzzed. He got a text message, from an unknown number. This had been happening so often he was irritated. He never replied nor opened them, but today he decided to check it out. Shivers ran down his spine when he read the string of messages.

 _Misakiiii~ Do you know who I am? I've been watching you for quite a while now._

 _Misaki, you have a part-time job at Marukawa? What an intelligent young man you are._

 _Be careful on your way back home~~_

 _Misaki, Who is that boy you keep talking to at university? You're not allowed to talk to anyone. You're mine._

 _Hora Misaki, why do you let me down? I'm disappointed. You're dating the famous Usami-sensei? Aww, I wanted to have you all to myself._

 _Turn around, Misaki._

He was scared. He didn't want to turn around, he could feel someone behind him. He couldn't be scared now, he didn't want to look vulnerable. He mustered up the courage and turned around. He lost all sensation in his legs, he was paralyzed, with fear. He couldn't believe his eyes. Oh how he wished he was dreaming.

 _I'm back Misaki._

The next thing he knew, he was falling on the ground, his vision growing dark.

* * *

It was almost 12 in the night now but Misaki still hadn't come back home. Akihiko assumed that he had gone out for a drinking party and would come back home late in the night or probably in the morning. He thought it was pretty unusual though, Misaki never left or did anything without informing Akihiko about his whereabouts but given the situation at hand he thought maybe Misaki wanted to take a breather, get his thoughts together and just have fun.

 _9:00, 29th September_

Misaki still hadn't returned. Akihiko found it strange, but decided to wait until the evening before he called Takahiro. This really was unusual. Misaki never stayed out for this long. Some part of Akihiko didn't want Misaki to return, but the other part couldn't help but feel anxious.

It was half past five now. Akihiko started getting worried now. He dragged his feet towards the phone when it suddenly rang.

"Usagi! Its me, Takahiro! How are you guys doing? Is Misaki doing alright? It's been such a _loooooong_ time since I called. I've actually been feeling really uneasy so can you please get Misaki to the phone?"

Akihiko's heart stopped. He didn't know how to tell Takahiro that Misaki hadn't come home in over a day now.

"Ahh… Takahiro… Misaki, h- he.."

"Usagi? What is it? Tell me.", Takahiro demanded.

"Misaki hasn't come back home since he left for college yesterday morning.", Akihiko blurted out.

"What?! And you didn't bother to call me?! Why didn't you call me? He's my brother for god's sake! How could you keep this from me?", Takahiro's voice was trembling with worry and anger.

"Hold on, I'm coming to Tokyo right now."

 _20:30, 29th September_

 _Misaki, please be safe my brother. Nii-chan won't let anything happen to you. It's a promise._

Takahiro rushed towards Akihiko's apartment and quickly dialed in the security code granting him access to his house.

"Usagi!", Takahiro roared while removing his shoes.

"Takahiro… I'm sorry, I'm sorry I let this happen."

Takahiro was mad. He couldn't stop himself and before he knew it, he landed a punch on Akihiko's face.

"BASTARD! Why did you leave Misaki all alone?! Did you do something to him?!"

Takahiro knew something had happened. Misaki wasn't the type of boy to burden someone else unless something happened or if the matter at hand was too great for him to handle. But over the years Takahiro noticed Misaki trying to deal with everything himself, not to disturb his Nii-chan who was busy taking care of Mahiro and he was glad that Akihiko had come along into Misaki's life for it meant that Misaki was no longer alone.

"I..I didn't do anything… I'm sorry.", Akihiko felt a pang of guilt. He shouldn't have avoided him like that. What was gonna happen to him?

Both men grew quiet when they heard the rustling of clothes at the door.

It was Misaki.

" _Tadaima."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Here's the latest chapter and I hope you enjoy it. It may seem a little fast paced because I was honestly in a slump but I really wanted to continue writing and fit in as many things as I could! Please rate and review. Suggestions are always welcome.**

* * *

Chapter 5

 _23:00, 28th September_

 _Huh..? Where am I? My head hurts so much. What happened? Huh? Why are my hands and legs tied? What's this in my mouth? I remember going the convenience store and then…_

Misaki started trembling. The moment he heard the door open… he went back to that time, a time of fear and torture. The man standing before him was none other than Arata. Arata Fumihiro.

"Hey Misaki. Do you remember me? You grew up to be one handsome man. I couldn't forget how soft and supple your body was, during the time I spent in jail you know. That's why I decided I'd come back and make you mine and mine only. Why aren't you saying anything?... Aah that's right, let me take off your gag."

"..op.", Misaki barely managed to speak up. Fear had taken over and his senses were not working properly.

"Huh? Speak up Misaki, I can't hear you." Arata almost threatened.

"Stop.. please, let me go.."

"And why should I do that? Because you're in a relationship, with the great Usami Akihiko, huh?"

"How.. How do you know that?", Misaki was worried now, he couldn't fathom how Arata knew about it.

"Well, about a month or two back, there was a signing event which I so graciously attended, and I saw you standing beside Usami-sensei, all happy and chirpy, so I decided I'd stay till the end and observe you. After everything was wrapped up, you and Usami-sensei went to a dark alleyway didn't you? Aah what horny dogs the two of you are. Couldn't keep your hands to yourselves, could you? Though you stopped before it got real good. But whatever, thanks to that, I have some pictures of what you guys were doing~~", Arata said while showing Misaki the pictures.

"Pl..please don't tell anyone about it.. please, I'm begging you.."

"Aah? Why shouldn't I? I mean, when I have something so good, if I spread it around, I'll get money too."

"Please don't.. I'll do anything you want me to but please don't spread it around.."

"Misaki~ you want to know something? You were always a burden to those around you, including Takahiro. I'm surprised he could put up with you. He slogged day and night so you could have a better future and go to a great University. You, what have you ever done for him? Well you're probably a burden to Usami-sensei too. Explains why he hasn't called you right? He's fed up with you too. All you ever do is trouble everyone Misaki. That's why, put yourself to some good use and let me fuck you. Fuck you whenever I want. You oppose me, I'll spread the pictures around.". Misaki knew deep down in his heart that his dignity was worth nothing in front of the name and reputation Usagi-san had built over the years. Usagi-san had spent hours and hours of work making sure his books would be the greatest, how can he just take it all away for a matter that doesn't concern him?

Misaki.. he couldn't say anything to Arata. He knew what he had said was true, all he ever did was trouble everyone. His parents, his brother and now Usagi-san. If only Misaki hadn't told Usagi-san that he had been raped as a child and if he let Usagi-san go beyond kissing, things would've been different. Very different. Usagi-san would shower him with love and tender kisses, they'd cook food together, go on trips together, maybe make love once in awhile. He knew he lost everything. Misaki had fallen down, with no one around to help him. He wouldn't let himself be a nuisance now, he was dead.. from the inside. The only thing keeping him alive, was Usagi-san's love, and now that was gone too. He was broken, and didn't bother responding to Arata.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes. Good boy Misaki… you finally know your place, this is what you're good for."

Arata slowly moved closer to Misaki, untied the ropes binding his legs and pulled his legs apart lowering himself into the space between them. The ropes burned his soft skin, reddening the spot. Arata's hands slowly moved up, grazing his inner thighs and then he reached his zip. He yanked Misaki's pants and threw them away, forced his fingers into Misaki's mouth while he left marks all over his body.

"Huh..? Why aren't you resisting? Well, whatever, makes it easier for me."

 _I'm not resisting because where will I run? Who will I ask to help me? It's just as you said, I'm good for nothing. I've turned a blind eye to that forever, and now you've made me realise that I can never run away from what I am. A useless piece of shit. Why am I even alive please remind me. The harder I try, the more trouble I create. That's why I'm not resisting. More trouble means more pain and not for me, for everyone around me._ Negative thoughts flooded Misaki's mind, he was self loathing. He felt dirty.

He pulled his fingers out of Misaki's mouth and pushed it in his ass, Misaki yelped at the sudden sharp pain. His fingers went in and out and gradually added more fingers in, widening his tight hole. Arata pushed Misaki's head down into the mattress, his ass exposed to him. Arata then suddenly pushed himself into Misaki, thrusting hard and fast. Misaki didn't feel pleasure, only pain. Not physical, but emotional, he had stooped down so low that he didn't even mind what was happening to him.

Arata's hands slid down to Misaki's chest and harshly pulled on his nipples eliciting a painful moan from him. He bit Misaki right below the nape of his neck making sure it wouldn't be visible, so as to prevent suspicion. But it wasn't enough for Arata, it never was. He wanted Misaki screaming under him, and so he picked up his belt lying beside him. He wrapped it around his hand and whipped Misaki across the back. Misaki screamed, overcome by pain, his eyes started to tear up. Arata shuddered at the sight of the red mark his belt had left on Misaki's back. He continued whipping him, pushing his face further into the pillows making it hard for Misaki to breathe.

 _This is disgusting. Being touched by a man who's not Usagi-san, being leered at by a man who's not Usagi-san and yet, not being able to resist at all. These lashes hurt. A lot._ Numbness took over Misaki and his body slowly giving up while Arata kept whipping him.

A few moments later, Arata orgasmed, releasing his fluids into Misaki and pulled out.

He ran his hand over Misaki's face, who had blacked out, whispering a few words.

"I won't let you go, Misaki."

* * *

"Misakiiii, that was a great round. I've never felt so fulfilled before, I guess you're the one meant for me.", in said while binding Misaki's legs once again after he had regained consciousness.

Misaki stayed quiet. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he didn't want to meet anyone, he didn't want to do anything. He was in the depths of despair, going mad, he just wanted to end everything, end his life.. but if he did that.. he would be a burden again. He would trouble his brother with the funeral, he would put Usagi-san in a tight spot, making him explain the situation and the reason as to why Misaki chose to kill himself. He couldn't do it. No, not at all. The best option at this point was to listen to Arata and pray to God that his brother and Usagi-san don't find out about this.

 _19:00, 29th September_

 _I wonder how long I've been in here. I wonder how many times he's already raped me. Haah, I just want to go home and sleep. Wait… do I even have a home? Am I allowed to call Usagi-san's house my home? I don't think so, he doesn't want to have to do anything with me anymore. Haha, I'm so pitiful. I have no home, no dignity, no money, nothing._

Arata walked in and broke Misaki's train of thought.

"Misaki, you're free to go. For now."

Arata handed Misaki a piece of paper with some numbers scribbled on it.

"Take this. Every time you get a call or a message from this number, be sure to comply or else you know what's gonna happen.", Arata threatened Misaki and clearly, it worked. Misaki was getting dressed, while Arata sat on the bed shooting him dirty looks and smirking when their eyes made contact. Misaki didn't like it one bit.

Misaki took the paper and shoved it in the pocket of his coat and started making his way to the door, picking up his bag that was near the entrance.

Misaki was on his way back home, sitting on the train, looking outside at the beautiful scenery that lay just outside wondering how things had come to this.

 _What excuse should I give? Eh, whatever. I'm sleepy, I guess I'll take a short nap before I reach my stop._

* * *

 _20:30, 29th September_

Misaki stood at the front door of Akihiko's house. He could hear some people arguing inside but he didn't really care about anything at this point. He walked in dropped his bag down and removed his coat and shoes. He noticed that he was probably loud while doing so as he heard the house go silent. He then heard large thuds of footsteps making their way to the front door.

" _Tadaima."_ It was all Misaki could manage to say. He was tired and didn't notice the person who was standing in front of him.

"Misaki..?", Takahiro said, wondering if it really was him.

"Nii-chan? What are you doing over here?! When did you come?"

"No, wait. Where were YOU? You didn't respond to any text I sent nor did you pick up your phone. So would please mind telling me what the hell you were up to and what you were doing?"

"Aah.. Sorry Nii-chan. Last night I went to a drinking party with Toudou and some other friends from University. I guess we partied too hard and I ended up staying the night at his house. By the time I woke up it was already late in the afternoon."

Takahiro knew something was wrong. But he didn't pry any further. He knew, that something was bothering his cute younger brother.

"Hmm.. okay. But hey, I've decided that I'll stay in Tokyo for a while. I won't stay with you guys though, I'll rent an apartment nearby. I've already told Manami about it so it won't be a problem."

"Huh..? Why Nii-chan?"

"Aah, I have some business to tend to in Tokyo and I'm worried about you so it all works out.", Takahiro lied. He didn't have any business in Tokyo, he was only worried about his brother. There was something fishy going on and he was going to find out what it was.

"Now that Misaki has returned, I'll guess I'll go back to my hotel. Good night Usagi, Misaki. See you later."

"Good night, Nii-chan."

* * *

 **Omg guys, you don't have to read this because I'm gonna rant over here.**

 **I've been watching Bl dramas and omg, A round trip to love is absolutely beautiful, heartbreaking and wonderful. The ending was really sad and it took me like a few days to get over it and idk, I bawled my eyes out. Well other than that, I watched Together with me and man that is some super cute shit.**

 **If you guys have some other really good dramas, please do share them with me!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 **Hey guys, it's been a while since I updated this story but that's because of my exams. I have another round of exams starting next week *boohoo***

 **Well as always, I hope you enjoy this story and drop in a review or suggestion!**

* * *

 _3rd October_

 _Three days. It has been three days since the ordeal with Takahiro and Misaki. Haaah… what am I doing? How insensitive have I become? Not caring about my own lover.. but I feel betrayed too. Misaki was supposed to be mine. Lately.. something's different. Misaki seems so apprehensive and always on guard. He gets startled everytime the phone rings and he seems to be leaving the house very frequently, I wonder why. But I can't go to him now… not until I figure out my own feelings._

 _I'm sorry, Misaki._

Thoughts flooded Akihiko's mind. He was so tired. So so tired. All he wanted to do was to be held by Misaki in his arms and take in his sweet soothing smell and fall asleep. Work had increased and his relationship wasn't going well, nothing seemed to work out well for Akihiko.

His train of thought was suddenly broken by an annoyingly loud, familiar voice.

"USAMI-SENSEIIIII!", Aikawa's voice tore through the house and Akihiko's eardrums, or so he felt.

"I HAVE SOME WONDERFUL NEWS! YOU WON THE NAOMORI AWARD FOR YOUR LATEST WORK!"

"Eh.. so what? I don't need to attend some-", Akihiko stopped mid-sentence. He noticed Misaki looking at his phone, visibly scared. Things were quite different few months ago. He wouldn't attend the awards ceremony because he couldn't bear being apart from Misaki even if it was just for a few hours, but his adorable little lover would force him, reassuring Akihiko that he would be right here waiting for him in _their_ home.

Misaki finished cooking, took off his apron and started making his way towards Akihiko and Aikawa.

"Usagi-san, congratulations!", Misaki said while smiling. Akihiko noticed the pained expression he had and was sure that the reason behind it was him.

"Aikawa-san, I have some work to do so I must leave but I have made some food so please feel free to help yourself. Bye bye!", Misaki tried to sound how he normally would, how he would sound when everything was good between him and Akihiko but a woman's intuition is a force to be reckoned with. Aikawa knew at once that something had happened. Misaki's departure left an awkward atmosphere.

Aikawa turned to Akihiko and saw nothing but irritation. He was sulking.

"Usami-sensei.. I don't know what happened between you two but it's best if you resolve it quickly."

* * *

"And for the last segment tonight, Japanese author Usami Akihiko has once again bagged the Naomori award, one of the most prestigious literary awards this country can offer. The awards ceremony will be held on 6th October at the Park Hyatt hotel from 6 o'clock in the evening….."

The quiet buzz of the TV, the sound of the heavy traffic all faded to black. A smirk crept its way onto Arata's face.

 _Now this is going to be fun._

* * *

 _17:45, 6th October_

Akihiko, dressed smartly in a Giorgio Armani Black suit with his hair styled and slicked back with only a few strands of hair falling on his face, was in the limousine, spacing out.

"...mi- Sensei… Usami-sensei!"

"As soon as we arrive, we're gonna register our arrival and greet other authors, so I expect you to be on your best behaviour. Around 7 o'clock you'll be delivering your speech and then we're gonna switch locations for the after-party.", Aikawa kept blabbing about the award ceremony and the procedure.

 _Ugh she should shut up. I've won so many awards, I think I know the procedure by now. I'm not some baby._

Akihiko didn't voice his thoughts though because Aikawa was… scary when mad.

* * *

 _19:15, 6th October_

 _I'm so fucking tired ugh what the fuck is this shit. This is a waste of my time. Everyone is so full of themselves. No real talent, but the arrogance they exude, disgusting. Just talking to them makes me mad. I wanna go home._

Akihiko's irritation was at its peak but he couldn't do anything, some of the most important people were around him. He'd hate to admit it, but these men and women are the ones who made him, made Usami Akihiko a world renowned author.

"And now we would like to call upon Usami Akihiko- Sensei to speak a few words and bring the ceremony to a close."

Akihiko let out an exasperated sigh, put on a business smile and made his way to the podium.

 _At the same time_

Misaki was sitting on the sofa, watching the awards ceremony on TV. He was so proud of Usagi-san. He had raw talent and skills for writing but none for household chores. Misaki let out a small giggle thinking about how Usagi-san was so inept at taking care of himself.

 _Brrr.. brrrrr_

Misaki's phone vibrated. He had received a text message.

" _Ne Misaki, I'm standing right outside your apartment. Give me your security code."_

Misaki couldn't believe what he read. _He_ was standing right outside the apartment?!

" _Why are you here? I'm ready to go anywhere you want me to so why are you here?",_ Misaki replied.

" _Cut the crap and tell me the code, Misaki.",_ Arata responded within a matter of a few seconds.

" _03031808"_

It was only a few minutes later that Misaki heard the door open. Loud footsteps made their way to where he was sitting, the drawing room.

"Misakiiii, Tadaima!... Is that how the two of you greet each other?", Arata sarcastically said.

"Please.. anywhere but here…", Misaki was on the verge of crying.

Arata walked up to Misaki and… WHAM! He punched him across the face. Misaki's cheek puffed up and his lip started to bleed.

"Shut the hell up. Don't make me mad. You know what'll happen if you do."

"Please stop…"

Arata made his way to the kitchen and furiously started searching for the duct tape through the drawers, making a mess of it. Finally obtaining what he was searching for, he walked back to Misaki. He covered Misaki's mouth and tied his hands up with the tape.

Arata went on to remove his pants and thrust his member into Misaki. Misaki's muffled screams echoed around the whole house. Tears rolling down Misaki's face along with the blood gave Arata some sort of sadistic pleasure.

 _He seems to be in a bad mood. Well whatever. I hope he finishes before Usagi-san comes back home. Please God. I don't want Usagi-san to see this. Please God. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please listen to me just this once._ Misaki's eyes had lost its spark. They were dead, just as he was.

* * *

"I'd like to thank our president, Mr. Isaka Ryuichirou, my editor, Ms. Eri Aikawa and all those who have made this book come to life. The book 'Sunshine after Rain' is a glimpse into a life of a man, of lost desire, lost hope who overcomes his obstacles after finding the one he truly loves. This book is based on real life experiences, of people whom I've met as well as mine….", Akihiko paused for a while, for he had a sudden revelation.

 _How could I not see it before?! Misaki is the ONLY one who matters, the ONLY one I'll ever love. He is my answer to life. It doesn't matter what happened in the past, what matters now is what the both of us make of OUR future. I need him. I left him all alone at a time when he needed me most, HOW COULD I?!_

Akihiko had finally found his answer.

"Usami-sensei?"

A reporter brought Akihiko back to his senses, back to the podium, back to where he was delivering his speech. Akihiko's eyes scanned through the crowd, searching for Aikawa. He needed her approval. His eyes met hers at the far corner of the room. As if she knew what was going on in his head, she just smiled and nodded.

"I'm sorry..", is all what Akihiko had said and started making his way down the podium. He picked up the pace and left the hotel to catch a taxi on the road.

 _I hope I'm not too late. Misaki, please wait for me._

* * *

19:35, 6th October

Akihiko finally reached the apartment. What was supposed to be a 30 minute drive was done in 20. He had paid extra to the cab driver, as compensation for speeding. Akihiko was panting by the time he reached the door. He quickly entered in the security code and barged in through the door. He didn't bother removing his shoes, his coat, nothing, all that mattered was that he apologize to Misaki and pray that he wasn't late.

Akihiko heard a weird noise come from the direction of the drawing room and believed that, that is where he would find Misaki. He walked up, opened the door and what he saw… made his heart fall.

Akihiko.. couldn't believe it. He wanted to scream, he wanted to tear his hair right out of his scalp. Right in front of him lay Misaki, tears and blood streaking his pale face, with another man in him. Akihiko ran forward, pulled Arata by his collar and punched him. Misaki was shocked, scared, embarrassed. A flurry of emotions took over him. Usagi-san had come home, it was so early. Why did God give up on him? Why didn't God listen to him? Why was this happening to him?

Akihiko tore the tape covering his mouth and his hands. Misaki just managed to say a word before passing out because of the shock and the pain.

"I'm sorry."

TBC.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It was a bright, sunny morning. The sunlight seemed to pierce Misaki's eyes as soon as he opened them. It had been a long time since he had slept properly. A weird smell was in the air, an unfamiliar scent. His eyes were still not adjusted to the brightness of his surroundings but he could make out a figure, seated on a chair right beside the bed on which he was sleeping.

"Usagi-san…?"

"Misaki! Thank god. I was so worried!", the figure exclaimed and embraced Misaki.

The voice was a bit different from the usual deep voice he was used to hearing. Once he could open his eyes and properly make out his surroundings he realised that he was in the hospital and the one hugging him was his Nii-chan.

"Nii-chan!", Misaki returned the hug but his grip slowly loosened when he remembered what had happened.

He slowly pushed his brother away from him and started trembling ever-so-slightly. He couldn't face Takahiro after what had happened. _Usagi-san must've called Nii-chan while I was unconscious_. _Dammit! I didn't want Nii-chan to go through this pain all over again._

 _I didn't want Usagi-san to see it._

"Misaki… please come here. I'm not angry at you, just please come here and talk to your Nii-chan. Please Misaki.", Takahiro's voice was trembling and Misaki could tell that he was in pain.

"Nii-chan.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry you have to witness this all over again. I'm so.. sorry."

At this point Misaki was sobbing uncontrollably, his emotions had taken over him and he couldn't stop his tears. Seeing Misaki cry all alone hurt Takahiro. His younger, fragile, kind-hearted brother looked so lonely on the bed and he moved forward and hugged him tightly once again.

"Misaki.. don't apologize when I should be the one saying sorry. I'm sorry for failing to recognise what you were going through. I'm sorry for not being able to help you when you were in so much pain."

"Nii-chan, there's no reason for you to say sorry for all of that. I.. just.. I'm sorry for causing you and Usagi-san trouble. It's all I ever do. Right now, I'm sure I'm a burden to Usagi-san but even so I want to stay with him. I love him. But… if he wants me to leave, I will."

A tall, lean figure was standing right outside the door, listening to the conversation taking place inside the room. It was Akihiko. He had returned from the police station, after giving his statement to the police which would then help put Arata in jail for life. He stopped outside the door when he heard voices.

He was scared. He didn't know how to face Misaki after hearing all of that. The young brunette loved him, Akihiko knew that but he still pushed him away. If he hadn't done that, maybe he could resolve this issue together with Misaki instead of leaving him alone. He could've saved Misaki from going through all that trauma, but he didn't. His ego got the better of him.

He knocked on the door before entering. Misaki looked up and was scared, and let go of Takahiro. He didn't know what Usagi-san was going to say to him, he didn't know if… Usagi-san loved him anymore.

"Misaki.. let's go home."

* * *

After filling in the forms required to discharge Misaki from the hospital, Akihiko brought his car and helped Misaki sit into it.

The drive back home was a quiet one. Neither of the two men spoke. They quietly entered the elevator and reached home. Akihiko helped Misaki remove his coat and shoes and then made their way to the living room.

"Usagi-san.. I'm going to take a bath first, and then I'll make our lunch."

Akihiko remained silent and just nodded. Sitting there in the living room brought back memories of the previous night.

" _WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!", Akihiko had yelled. He kept yelling after each punch he landed on the unknown man._

" _WHO ARE YOU?!"_

" _HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HIM?!"_

" _I'LL KILL YOU, BASTARD!"_

 _The man being hit, finally spoke up, seeing Akihiko slow down, visibly tired. He dabbed his lip and spit out the blood that had accumulated in his mouth due to the ferocious punches thrown by Akihiko._

" _Eh? Misaki didn't tell you? About what happened years ago? When he was just a young boy?", Arata smirked, purposely taunting Akihiko._

" _I'm the man that took his first time."_

 _Akihiko was enraged and kicked Arata in the stomach._

" _Argh… as for why this happened… why don't you ask him yourself?" , Arata told Akihiko. He was enjoying the look on Akihiko's face. An expression of pain and anger. He loved seeing people being hurt._

 _It wasn't long before Arata passed out. Seeing how he had been hit, it would've been a surprise if he could've stayed conscious._

Akihiko was brought back to the present on hearing a loud crash from the bathroom above. He rushed to see what had happened and on opening the door he saw Misaki on the floor. He quickly moved forward to help Misaki but was pushed away by him.

"Don't look!", Misaki screamed at the top of his lungs pushing Akihiko away, with one of his hands covering Akihiko's face.

Akihiko ignored him and tried to calm the younger man down. When he could finally see, he was shocked. Bruises. All over his body. Cigarette burns, bite marks, slashes, numerous such wounds covered Misaki's pale body which had spoken a thousand words. Akihiko knew that that yesterday wasn't the only time this happened. It was happening for a while. The signs were there. He just ignored them. He saw Misaki isolating himself, not eating any food, drinking all night but he never made any effort to know what was going on in Misaki's life. He was at fault. He was to blame, not Misaki nor anyone else. It was him. His pride had blinded him from loving his own lover.

"PLEASE DON'T LOOK USAGI-SAN!", Misaki was sobbing at this point, throwing his hands and legs all over the place trying get Akihiko out of the bathroom but he was injured, the doctor had discharged him but he was still in pain. He didn't have any strength left.

Akihiko moved forward and hugged Misaki tightly. He didn't say a word. He just held Misaki in his arms.

"We'll order in food. You need to rest.", Akihiko had said and walked out of the bathroom.

* * *

About 20 minutes later Misaki came out of the bathroom and made his way to where Akihiko was sitting.

"What do you want to eat Misaki? I'm gonna order food now.", Akihiko asked.

"Anything.. Usagi-san."

There was a brief silence in the large condo and before long, Akihiko had called and placed the order for their lunch at their favourite restaurant.

Akihiko spoke up first.

"Why did this happen? Why did you let him do that to you? Why didn't you speak about this to anyone?", Akihiko asked Misaki.

Misaki didn't know how to answer Akihiko and remained silent.

"MISAKI TELL ME WHY! I NEED TO KNOW!", Akihiko raised his voice out of frustration.

"It's because… he had pictures. Pictures of us.. kissing that day in the alleyway after your signing event. He said that he'd leak them to the media.", Misaki meekly said.

"So?! You should've let him sell it to whomever. Why.. did you do it?", Akihiko's voice made it clear that he was hurting.

"Because.. I'm not worth throwing your reputation away. I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want to you take any extra stress. I just wanted… to help you."

"U..Usagi-san.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I betrayed your love.. and I'll understand if you don't want me to stay here any longer…", Misaki slowly added on.

Akihiko looked up with a pained expression. These words from Misaki pierced his heart. He saw Misaki's pained expression, his shivering body and was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt.

"Misaki! Please don't say that.. please… I love you and I know.. what I did was wrong, I should've never pushed you away because of what you said but please… don't ever say that you want to leave me. I won't be able to take it. You… you made me feel what it's like to be loved and what it's like to love.. so please don't take that away from me. I'll do anything to make things right."

"Usagi-san, can you love me knowing the fact that I was raped? Can you love this body of mine, this body full of burns and wounds? Can you love me like you did before?"

Akihiko fell silent but he already knew what his answer to Misaki would be. He would never leave Misaki again. Never. He would always stay with him and fight whatever comes their way.

"I won't repeat the same mistake again. I will never leave you alone again. What happened is in the past, I want to make my future with you Misaki, together.", Akihiko held Misaki's hand and with the other he turned Misaki's face towards his, wiping his tears away saying something he should've said a long time ago.

"I love you, Misaki."

TBC.


End file.
